I No Longer Yearn
by Loki God of Trickery
Summary: A look inside Loki's head during the movie. Kind of sad. Mentions Frigga, Odin and Thor.


**Note at end.**

Mother talks.

She talks cool and professional in front of others.

She talks soft and comforting to me.

She talks frustrated and caring to Thor.

She talks anguished and tense to father.

She talks a lot more to father these days.

_The frustration is getting harder to hide when berating Thor._

_Does this make me the better son?_

* * *

Mother scolds.

She tells off Thor for not listening.

She tells off Thor for fooling around.

She tells off Thor for not embracing his studies.

_Thor receives more lectures than I do._

_Does this make me the better son?_

* * *

Mother praises.

She praises me for listening.

She praises me for behaving.

She praises me for learning.

_I receive more praises from mother than Thor does._

_Does this make me the better son?_

* * *

Father praises.

He praises Thor for weapons training.

He praises Thor for enthusiasm.

He praises Thor for making him proud.

_Thor soaks up praise, making him arrogant. I do not._

_Does this make me the better son?_

* * *

Father is blind.

He is blind to my magical training.

He is blind to my behaviour.

He is blind to my efforts to make him proud.

He is blind to the emotions building up inside me.

He is blind to the feeling of inferiority growing inside me.

He is blind to all but Thor.

_Thor is growing reckless and careless. I am not._

_Does this make me the better son?_

* * *

Father punishes.

He punishes me for magic tricks.

He punishes me for planting ideas in Thor.

He punishes me for walking in a shadow.

_I walk in Thor's shadow without question. He pushes me away; I do not push him away._

_Does this make me the better son?_

* * *

Mother persuades.

She persuades father to punish Thor.

Thor is punished for rashness.

Thor is punished for his thirst for battle.

Thor is punished for arrogance.

Thor is punished by being sent away.

_I indirectly punished Thor. I planted the idea. But it will teach him to think, and he will be a better king._

_Does this make me the better son?_

* * *

Thor yells.

He yells at the unfairness of mother and father.

He yells at me for ruining his life.

He yells at me for causing his banishment.

He yells at me for getting him stuck in Midgard.

_Thor yells when agitated. I do not. I have self-control._

_Does this make me the better son?_

* * *

Mother watches.

She watches Thor change.

She watches father in his slumber.

She watches me grow distant.

She watches me become a monster.

Yet she does not stop me.

_I give mother support, whilst teaching Thor not to be reckless by keeping him in Midgard._

_Does this make me the better son?_

* * *

Heimdall sees.

He sees me lie to Thor.

He sees me send the Destroyer.

He sees me fight Thor.

He sees me crack and threaten to break.

Yet he does not stop me.

_Thor would attack people who speak against him. I teach them not to speak against a prince._

_Does this make me the better son?_

* * *

Thor acts.

He acts by stopping me.

He acts by destroying the bridge.

He acts by never not caring.

He acts by loving me.

_My love for Thor never stopped._

_Does this make me the better son?_

* * *

Fathers holds.

He holds Thor.

Thor holds the staff.

I hold the staff.

I hold my life.

_I just wanted father to recognise me for _me_, not a frost giant baby, taken for a plan._

_Does this make me the better son?_

* * *

I wonder.

I wonder about why he stopped me.

I wonder what changed him.

I wonder if Odin is proud.

I wonder if I could live with myself.

I wonder if I deserve love.

I wonder if they want me back.

I wonder if I should come back.

_I tried to destroy Asgard's enemies to bring peace. I tried to kill my kin._

_Does this make me the better son?_

* * *

Odin is blind.

He is blind to my hidden pleas for love.

He is blind to how much comfort I need.

He is blind to my unstable mind.

He is blind to me.

_I was searching for affection, never the throne._

_Does this make me the better son?_

* * *

I let go.

_I no longer know about anything anymore._

_I no longer yearn to be the perfect son._

* * *

**So, how was that for my first ever fanfiction?**

**Feel free to review, and tell me what you thought.**

**Does it even make sense? I don't even know. I've read it so many times now, it's just turned to mush.**

**Should I write more stuff like this, maybe for another character?**

**What would you like to see in a fanfiction?**


End file.
